Thursday, June 17, 2010

Suzi Blu...You Take My Breath Away!

Suzi Blu...You Take My Breath Away!

You are NOT going to believe this.  Ok...so last post....I mentioned starting a new Art Journal.  I was inspired by many people, but mainly by the new class I am taking at the La Petite Academy (Suzi's Online School.)  I am taking a "beginner" Petite Dolls class....whew...beginner??  wowza....

Anyway, so I posted my little chatty about the Art Journal I was starting...and I hopped on over to my classroom on Suzi's blog....and would you know it....there is a FREE ARTE JOURNAL CLASS!!  No kidding!!  I almost hit the ceiling as I jumped for joy and floated on Art high!!

I skip on over to the Art Journal class....and there it is....in all it's glory....Suzi's Art Journal.  A little video on the makings of her journal.  Better yet....she gives us an "inspiration" to journal about.  I was so excited UNTIL I read the first assignment!!! YIKES....I have to journal what I am good at, what I can congratulate myself on, what I like about myself.  WHAT??  what the heck??

Oh right, you are thinking..."how hard is that"  Um....think for TWO SECONDS...what are you good at?  What do you like about yourself??  Let me tell ya....it's a TOUGHIE for me.  I think about all the things I DON'T LIKE, that I WANT TO CHANGE.....things I aspire TO BE, DO....etc.  She says you become one with your thoughts.....this takes deep thought to actually grasp what she is saying...but I think I finally get it.  I start my list (yes ....very short) and I plan to log it in my Arte Journal.  So the assignment was so dang hard for me personally that I only accomplished ONE THING so far......covering the front and back of my Journal binder....UGH!! 

Suzi....I LOVE your challenge....you take my breath away!!


By the way, I used all old scraps....felt good to sift through and use supplies that have been sittin' around forever!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Art Journal - A Challenge

It has been a long time of thinking....exploring...wanting....
needing. I don't spend time on "me." As most of us tend to do....we take care of others. Whether it be children, husbands, friends, family, neighbors, strangers.....we care for other people. As I sit here, I'm actually timing myself....giving myself only a few moments to blog...until I go back to "work," "cleaning house," "teaching," "inputting product into the business database." Why? Why am I timing myself??? Because I don't feel I "deserve" to spend time for me when others are to be cared for.
I definitely do not believe in putting myself "first" or the theory that if we focus on our "own" happiness we shall suddenly be happy. I do not believe in the "me" society. There are so many therapists and MANY people in general that believe if you work on "yourself" then you can truly be happy, make others around you happy, and live a happier, fuller life. I do not buy it at all. Putting myself first, if I'm going to be honest (which tends to get me in trouble sometimes) is what I consider selfishness. I believe if you (I) put God first, happiness will follow. I will be happy, I will make others happy, I will have a fuller life. However, instead of putting "me" first, or "God" first....I have lost the walk with both. I am a true believer of God in every sense of the word. Unfortunately I have stopped asking Him for guidance, strength, clarity, peace and grace. I have been trying to "do" these things alone. I have tried to recover from the shock of transitioning my business. I have tried to recover from losing friends for reasons still unknown by me. I know these "friends" could not have been "true" friends. If they were they would have been by my side, helping me recover. Not running from me like I had the plague. Not running from me when I was suffering inside. Not running from me when I was shutting down. I needed them. I needed them for comfort, to bring me back from the depths of darkness, to help me breathe once again. Instead of trying to recover from these devastating losses alone, I am turning to HIM. I know it is best. I know it will be better. My life will be even greater. I will once again be filled with joy. I have been so caught up in feeling as though I have let others down. I lost myself and I believe I was lost because I hid from God along the way. I shut him out. He can not hear me when I do not speak. He can not help me when I don't ask for help. He does not grand grace to those that do not seek it. Today, I am asking Him for these things. I am taking the path less traveled. It will be scary. I may seem alone at times. But I will always be walking with Him.
Today, I am starting an Art Journal. Something I have wanted to do for years, but have put it off in order to take care of others. I put it off because I have spent valuable time trying to repair things and relationships that were not, and are not, repairable. Although I so wish they were....I have longed for it. Today, I am putting those "longings" behind me. I am starting today by documenting ME through an Art Journal. I have always believed taking time for "me" is selfish. It is not. I know that when I finally put God first again in my life, he will soften my heart from feeling as though I can not possibly take time for me. Time to explore me. Understand Him. I want Him back. I want me back. The Art Journal is the beginning of my journey in finding Him, me, and happiness.... the beginning of my new life. At age 40.

I stepped out of my comfort zone and did something I thought I would never do. I enrolled in an Art class. Suzi Blu inspired me. Lead me. Made me see it was ok for someone like me (so extremely business, math and science brained) to explore the waters of true art.
The first lesson in class is all about eyes, placement, expressions, beauty. I eagerly watched the first video and jumped right in. And then.....my time was consumed with work, family, friends...etc. I did not go back to class. I waited almost a month. I watched video two. I realized that I can not and will not leave such a gap in this class. I had to re-learn, take notes....I lost everything I had learned a month ago. This time I took notes. Why? Maybe I am afraid I will not go back to video two again....for months. I want to. I'm just taking baby steps.

I am hoping this mixed media class will bring me back to my first love....scrapbooking. It has been my therapy for years. My art, my time to express. Yet, I have had NO time to scrapbook. None. The scrapbooking I have done has been for clients only, making albums for other people. For me, this is not "true" scrapbooking. I don't use my style, taste, nor is it therapy...it is a job. So, I turn to mixed media in hopes of finding my scrapbooking identity once again. It's time to scrapbook about my life, my family, my journey. I want to hold photos in my hand and remember. This is me. This is what I want. Art Journal. Step one in finding me.....while finding strength once again in my walk with Christ.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Home Schooling Is For The Birds....

For those of you that know me pretty well, you know the current situation I am in with our middle guy, Coleby. About two and a half weeks ago he came home crying hysterically (very long story) from school. He had called my husband from his cell phone and cried the entire walk home!! Ok, granted we live super close to the school, but jeez....poor kid! Anyway, I had a very sad, but loving, comforting, and enlightening talk with him in his room about what caused the tears....after our very very long talk ...I waited patiently for my husband to arrive home so we could assess the sitch.

Bottom line: Coleby has not gone back to school since that day. Long long story, but a decision we as a family felt was necessary. Sooooo.....I am trying my hand at Homeschooling for the last few weeks until the long awaited summer! Let me just tell you....it's a LOT of work man!! Well....for the parent!! The schedule goes pretty fast (even though he does spelling, writing, penmanship, social studies, science, grammar, math and reading for at least 25 minutes ...oh yes and art yesterday too) because there isn't that non-sense "filler" time or a teacher being pulled in 21 different directions. So, teaching one child instead of 21 at the same time...it's much easier for the homeschooler to get their work done in a much shorter time period than a regular school day...little or lots of help...either way. We start at 9am and we are finished by noon.

So why all this homeschool talk? Cuz I AM CERTAINLY NOT doing this for a whole school year!!! I just had to share with you the two little videos Coleby made for his Science lesson today.....too damn cute not to show off!!!


Teri helped him construct his little "Orange Cup Bird Feeder" and then helped video this first little clip-


video

Soo....lil Coleb's goes off to baseball practice and comes home 2 hours later....rushes into my craft room and says, "mom where is the video camera...I have to check to see if any birds ate the orange!!" I was NOT expecting to see this.....BUT it is dang cute!! No idea he would think to narrate AND video himself...hahha

video

So ladies.....THIS is the giggle for the day!!